i tried to save you (i swear i did)
by Justafangirloutthere
Summary: When he sees her, he notices that her face is emotionless. She swirls her bottle of wine around in her hand. "I'm pregnant," she whispers. "Oh," he says, his voice devoid of emotion. He sits down. And remembers another kid whom he loved so much - who he failed. His heart tears into shreds and doesn't mend itself.


Howard Stark lived by the mantra 'Stark men are made of iron'.

The first time Tony Stark could remember his father smiling down at him, was when he burnt himself with a soldering iron.

Or, to be more accurate, when he accidentally smashed the whole 660°F tip on his finger, and didn't cry.

His eyes had watered.

His mouth had quivered.

But he didn't let those tears fall.

Later, as Howard was bandaging Tony's hands, he said that he was proud of him.

Stark men are made of iron, he said.

We don't bend.

(but iron could snap. iron could overheat and melt. iron could shatter into a million, billion little pieces.)

(no one ever told him that.)

As Tony Stark crouched in a desolate planet, with nothing but a foreign blue alien, and the ashes of his child between his hand, the only

thought that ran through his head was

_Stark men are made of iron_

_Stark men are made of iron_

_Stark men are made of iron_

And for the first time what felt like centuries, for what felt like an eternity,

a

tear

escaped

from

his

eyes

_snap_

* * *

On the desolate planet with the ashes of his child between his hands, Tony Stark had sobbed his heart out.

_a million pieces littered the floor_

_shards of memories with joy and laughter, happiness an n_

On the floor of the lonely spaceship the child that was no longer there hollowed Tony Stark's heart out.

The blue alien stared at him for a long time as he sank to the floor.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He didn't reply.

She couldn't do anything.

After all, she was built to break, and to destroy -

but when facing a broken, a destroyed man -

she had no idea how to fix him.

It was always easier to break than to fix.

_the emptiness took place, settling deep in his heart_

The golden woman came right before the end.

While gasping for breath, his stomach panging with hunger, Tony Stark stared at her. He could only think about his kid.

_he would've thought that she was so cool, she-_

_he's dead. he's dead. he's dead._

_and it's your fault._

She smiled.

He didn't smile back.

Though he was finally going back home, returning to Earth, he suddenly felt like the air was suffocating him.

He wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of oxygen, or something else.

The hollowness grew, carving into his heart.

* * *

On a planet carved in half, Tony Stark met the people who he once thought of as his closest friends. His family. When he saw them, he

thought only of his kid.

_he would've loved to meet them,_

The hurt they caused, the pain, the heartache would never truly end.

It was nice to see that someone that he knew survived this.

But then he saw a sight he never thought he would ever see again.

The world felt dizzy, like it was reorienting itself, trying to balance as old support structures were ripped from under his feet, and as

new ones built itself in different places.

"Pepper," he said

And they collided against each other for an eternity.

He inhaled her vanilla scented hair, grabbed onto her so tight and he never wanted to let go.

On a planet carved in half, Tony Stark saw the woman he loved the most, his love for her unparalleled _(except for one)_

And on a planet carved in half, Tony Stark's heart hurt just a little bit less.

* * *

On the couch in a silent apartment in Queens, Tony Stark broke a woman's heart.

Her face dropped as soon as she saw him.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice little more than a shadow.

May Parker shook her head wildly, and she grabbed onto his shoulders.

"_Please, please, please"_

For hours and hours, they held onto each other, thinking about the kid that they lost, that they would never see again.

That they both loved so much they would trade the entire world for, if only to see him once again.

When May Parker's tears dripped onto his suit, Tony Stark's heart hurt just a little bit more.

* * *

On the patio of the worn-down Compound, Tony Stark's heart both soared into the farthest reaches of space, and sunk into the deepest

sea.

He stepped out, and saw the woman he would do anything for sitting on one of the benches, facing the sky.

She did not turn her head when he walked in.

When he saw her, he noticed her face was emotionless.

She swirled her bottle of wine around in her hand.

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh," he said, his voice devoid of emotion.

He sat down. His heart tore into shreds and didn't mend itself.

_another kid another death_

_another life extinguished_

_nonono_

_i can't let that happen_

_i won't let that happen_

_i..._

They sat together in silence.

On the patio of the worn-down Compound, Tony Stark's heart felt both blindingly numb, and piercingly painful.

* * *

On the linoleum floor of the hospital, Tony Stark's heart burst into tiny little pieces.

Morgan Pepper Stark was the most perfect little person he had ever seen in his life.

When he cradled her in his hands, the tears came again, unbidden.

He rocked her back and forth, again and again -

trying to forget about another child who he loved, who broke his heart -

who he failed, and inevitably killed.

While he rocked little Morgan, he whispered promises to her, not known to anyone other than the two of them.

_I will never let anyone hurt you._

_I will kill everyone who touches a single strand of hair on top of your perfect head._

_I love you so so much._

_I wish…_

Tony Stark's heart cried out when he made that last promise, that wasn't so much a promise as a plea.

… _you could meet your brother._

* * *

On a bed in the middle of a cabin, as Tony Stark tucked his beloved daughter into her bed, his heart slowly put itself back together

enough to form some semblance of what it

used to be.

He loved his daughter -

but he loved his son too

_his son who was stolen away from him, taken, unfairly_

But even as the time goes by -

even as people's memories of the incident start fading -

even as they start to return back to some semblance of normal -

he never lets anyone forget the boy whose eyes were too bright, mind was too keen, heart was too pure for the world to keep him.

* * *

On the front steps of the cabin in the middle of nowhere, Tony Stark's heart rises up with hope, before he crushes it again.

_No. Now is not the time for false hope. _

The desperate man speaks of a 'time heist' to bring back the loved ones that were snatched away before their time.

Tony Stark does not know if he wants to do it.

He has gained too much -

_beautiful beautiful Pepper and precious precious Morgan_

But then he remembers

_innocent innocent Peter_

He stares at the picture in his hands.

And honestly? It isn't even that hard. He solves time travel before he goes to sleep.

_For you, Peter. _

_I love you so much._

* * *

On a battleground fighting for his life, Tony Stark finally saw what he had been waiting for this entire time, what he had done all of this

for.

His kid, his child, not of his flesh nor of his blood, but of his soul and of his _ t_

The kid rambled about something

and everything else faded in the background, seemingly non-existant.

He hugged his kid so tight, thinking of promises to keep him safe, promises to love him, promises to protect him.

On a battleground fighting for his life, despite all the carnage, the deaths, the destruction, despite the shouts, the screams, the cries of

pain, Tony Stark's heart finally _finally _mended, the broken pieces finally slotting back into place.

* * *

On a battleground, once the destruction was over, though Tony Stark's heart stopped, it had never felt more alive, more untouched, more whole.

_**fin.**_

**Author's Note:**

**So I published this on AO3 a couple weeks? I wanna say? Ago, and I then just a few minutes ago, I realized I had this account too. So.**

**Essentially, I was just trying my hand at some Tony and Peter whump because I love them. **

**But the things I create usually never leave the one page doc of very specific dialogue. And I never find the motivation to finish it. **

**These things are ****_hard man!_**

**So yeah. Give some love to your fav writer guys! They deserve it for actually *finishing* their stuff. **

**Annyyyywhoooooo**

**DIDJA LIKE IT I SURE HOPE YOU DID! :)))))**

**edit like five minutes after i posted this bc i'm paranoid: well shoot. i just realized i copied and pasted it wrong and without the correct spacings**

**edit a day later: omggggg! so apparantly the ~ thing doesn't work. you want me to put a freaking line break? fine! i'll put a freaking line break! just work! just space correctly my god! and the spacing god the spacing! it doesn't let me space it out more! i-alejao;iejtaoiejw FINE!**


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